Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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