I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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