Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
