Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
