in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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