We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
