somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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