I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
