Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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