Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
