My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
