Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
