I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
