i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
