We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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