am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
