Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
