i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
