Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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