Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
