You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
