I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
