absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
