i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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