would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
