She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
