cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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