I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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