I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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