my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We need to get me chipped asap
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
