Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
