I wish I could punch you in the face.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
