It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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