I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
