You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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