Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
