Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
two words: eviction party
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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