1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
