How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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