I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
