my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
