goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
