"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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