Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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