9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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