the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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