so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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