we have officially lost it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
