I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
