I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
