i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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